Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
A bitchslap is in order.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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