I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
