what day is it and did you see me today?
she smelled like a LAN party
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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