What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
