My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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