Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
