dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
