another moral hangover. fuck.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
