And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
