i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We're too hungover to prance.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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