While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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