woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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