im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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