Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
