I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
