I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize