I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
