yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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