highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
