Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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