have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
vagina is talking i cant
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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