It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
