Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
