you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
