So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
