I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
