She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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