I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
