And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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