Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
