it was like eating out sand paper
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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