Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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