Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
