also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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