Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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