Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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