GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
