fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
