In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
