I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
