My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
