nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
