just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
