i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
