tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
