I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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