If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
