Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
