I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you have to choose: penises or morals?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
