I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We left an ass print on the piano.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
