I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
