if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
