why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
