Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
