the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
