I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
