Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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