I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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