we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
