I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
