My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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