I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
