I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
