I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
