So drunk its hurt
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
